The Greatest Businessman of All-Time
Santa Claus needs to go high tech.
North Pole –When you think about the greatest businessman of all-time, who comes to mind?
Ford? Rockefeller? Bill Gates? Donald Trump? Richard Branson? Mark Zuckerberg? Steve Jobs?
Give me a break.
The greatest businessman of all time is, without a doubt, Santa Claus.
8 Things That Santa Claus Does Better than Donald Trump
Think about it. Santa’s customers return year after year. He has a factory that churns out toys 24/7 with little overhead. He has loyal and long tenured employees that work for near minimum wage. Of course, there aren’t a lot of jobs in this tough global economy, so imagine how hard it is for vertically challenged elves these days.
Santa Claus has a promotions department that secures prime visibility in crowded malls and gets him grand marshal positions in parades all over the world. He also has a publicity crew that writes songs, poems, and even produces movies and television shows with him as the star. His stamina is amazing and there are no performance enhancing drugs in his body, unless you count the chocolate chip cookies!
He’s an advertising genius. Just watch TV in December and see how many commercials he’s on. I’ve seen him drinking Coca-Cola for years now and am still amazed how he can balance himself on that Norelco razor after all the junk food he eats!
And talk about customer service. It’s the best in the world! No waiting on hold to talk to his telemarketers “Ryan” from Sri Lanka. He knows what you want, often without your even telling him.
The Biggest Mistakes Santa Claus Makes
But, sometimes I think Santa Claus is slipping a bit the past few years. He hasn’t really embraced html5, social networking, apps, or cloud technology very well.
Santa doesn’t own an iPhone or an Android. He thinks a Blackberry is a health food that he’d never dream of eating.
I think he’s one of only about 15 people in the world that don’t have a Facebook account. I’m not sure if he knows how to Google anything. His website isn’t optimized. I’ve never seen him Tweet. His Klout score is below 25.
His workers still use basic tools from the pre-Industrial Revolution. And, they don’t even have worker’s compensation or a decent HMO.
His mode of transportation still involves harnessed livestock that take a treacherous route around the world.
And, don’t tell me one animal with a light bulb on his nose is innovative. It’s animal cruelty. Call the ASPCA!
As for knowing when we’re sleeping, even conservatives would admit that’s taking The Patriot Act too far!
His ordering process? It’s downright archaic. I mean, who writes letters any more?
The Only Thing That Can Save Santa Claus’s Business
What Santa Claus needs is mobile marketing.
Worldwide, 5 trillion text messages are sent each year, but how many of you have ever received one, or sent one, to the North Pole? Even Verizon can’t hear you now at the North Pole.
Did you know that 18% of those 5 trillion text messages are considered commercial text messages? Don’t you think text message marketing would be a great way for Santa to get rid of some of his closeout inventory? I hear there’s a warehouse at the North Pole that still has half a million eight-tracks in it!
Ever see the long lines at the mall with kids wanting to take their picture with Santa Claus? By the time the kids get up to Santa, they are often crying and that doesn’t make for a great Christmas card photo opp. Why not provide a Custom QR Code to scan while waiting in line? Mom could scan it and Santa could entertain the kids with videos and the provide text message reminders to be especially good at this time of year.
Did you ever watch the late news on television on Christmas Eve? There’s usually some hokey satellite picture of Santa flying over some other country. In the eastern United States, I think Santa is usually somewhere around Slovakia during our 11 o’clock newscast.
Well, I’m an insomniac and I often stay up late on Christmas Eve multi-tasking on my laptop while watching the History Channel, ESPN, or Skinemax. I would love to check the app on my iPhone to know when Santa and his reindeer are getting close to my hometown so I can get to bed on time. If his clever little engineers can’t figure out how to develop an app to track the progress of the flying reindeer, I’m sure Southwest could give them a hand.
Ordering is another issue. How many of you still have envelopes and stamps in your house? It’s been so long since I sent a letter that I have no idea how much it even costs to send a letter any more. How many stamps do you need to send a letter to the North Pole anyway? It’s not even on the USPS.com web site; I checked. Plus, there’s the issue of the post office losing your snail mail. No, that never happens, does it?
By the way Santa, I’m still waiting for the Porsche I asked for last year. I knew I should have sent my Christmas list by Fed Ex.
With text messages, we could send in our Christmas lists to Santa Claus through a short code, say 72682 (S-A-N-T-A). With an easy-to-use mobile marketing solution like this, Santa could confirm receipt and even tell you if you’ve been…bad or good.
Maybe that’s what happened to my Porsche.
Bob Bentz is president of Advanced Telecom Services which provides text message marketing, apps development, mobile websites, and custom QR Codes to its media and advertising customers. Bob would like to supply such services to Santa Claus as well, but Santa doesn’t answer his text messages, Tweets, Facebook friend requests, or LinkedIn contacts. Santa, if you are reading this, please follow @BobBentz on Twitter, friend him on Facebook, or hit him up on LinkedIn. He has a great deal for you.
